Beeing Fit

Things are still crazy and will be for another week or so.  My father-in-law is doing better.  When I say better I mean they at least know what is going on.  He has a tumor and has to have surgery to remove it.

 Things are gearing up for my trip.  I leave in 3 days.  Am I ready?  Well I’m mostly packed, but mentally I am frazzled.  This is a huge thing for me.

 I haven’t been staying on program, but I’ve barely eaten.  I think I’m actually going to show a loss this week what with all the running around and all.  I’ll weigh in tomorrow and keep you all posted as much as possible. 

My father-in-law went into the hospital.  There is just too much going on right now.  I won’t be online to post or visit your blogs much until things settle down.  Take care.

I gained two pounds from my last weigh in.  I feel I have let my team the Worker Bees down.  I know I have let myself down.  I don’t know what is wrong with me.  Each time I get close to breaking 260 lbs, I backslide and go right back into eating the wrong things.  Is it fear that holds me back?  Is it because I just get this self-defeating “I can’t do this” attitude and decide not to even bother anymore.  I’m so upset right now.  I saw it coming, but I guess I thought I’d miraculously get back down to 264 or below from last week. 

I’m sorry Worker Bees.  The only thing I can say is I’ll try harder next week.

Oh man, I need a massage!  For the past two nights I’ve really been pushing myself with the exercise.  I do about 30 minutes of Yoga to a DVD.  Then I’ve put my headphones on and danced for 30 minutes to my MP3 player.  I love to dance!  I took ballet as a child and I always dance when I go out with my gal pal to the club (3-4 times a year).  Even I have to say I’m a great dancer for being fat.  I’ve had the club regulars (you know the REALLY good dancers) say how good I move. 

But this morning my muscles are SCREAMING and feel really tight.  I need a good, long soak in bath full of bubbles and then a long, soothing massage.  Neither of them are going to happen soon.  *sigh* 

I’ve been a really bad girl this week when it came to eating the middle of the week.  I’ve just felt so hungry ALL THE TIME.  I’ve made a lot of poor choices (Chinese food, fried chicken, chocolate).  I’m not snacking or binging, just that when I do eat, I’ve been eating all the wrong foods.  My weight went up to 269 (I can’t stop weighing myself daily).  I’m bringing it down now. 

But this yo-yo thing is killing me.  I can’t keep starting off good, realizing I’m slipping, and then pulling myself out of it every week.  It is unhealthy.  I need to just STOP the insanity and do what I know I should be doing.  WHY IS IT SO HARD…it isn’t like it is rocket science.

When I started Depakote, I didn’t know that one of the side effects was hair loss.  I was given samples by my psychiatrist for months and didn’t have one of those helpful pamphlets from the pharmacist.  But then I saw something every women would go screaming for the hills for.  I saw my thick, lustrous hair in clumps in the shower and in my brush…DAILY.  My hair was thinning rapidly.  I initially thought it was from stress of a new job or the PCOS going to a more advance stage.  Never imagined it was my Depakote, the one thing I couldn’t live without.  But then after researching (I’m a serious nerd) I found out.  Then I researched what I could do to stop it, or at least slow it down.  That is when I found “Hair, Skin & Nails”.  I L-O-V-E this stuff.  My hair almost instantly stopped thinning and starting growing back in.  Admittedly it is growing in CURLY, whereas I had wavy hair, but it is at least thickening just as rapidly as it started to thin.  My skin is clearer than it has EVER been.  My nails are stronger (I’ve always had long nails). 

The reason I am bringing this up is last night I got so excited because I saw another brand of the same stuff, double pills for less money!  And it still had 3000 mcg of Biotin, as well as many other great norishing supplements.  I’ve found through research that Biotin also increases metabolism and is especially beneficial to those that have diabetes.  Read more here. 

I had stopped taking the Hair, Skin, Nail supplement about three weeks ago, because I just didn’t have the money to get more, it isn’t that expensive, $10.  But I just didn’t have the money at the time.  Fortunately I have not experienced any hair loss again, but I have been feeling very sluggish and I am pretty sure it is because I haven’t been taking this wonderful metabolism booster!  So last night when I picked up my Depakote refill, I quickly grabbed my mega-sized bottler of Hair, Skin, Nails and RAN!  I don’t take the full daily dose (three pills).  I only take one in the morning and one at night.  I fully recommend you women check this supplement out.  And men, I haven’t forgotten you.  I see they now make a man’s version!

What is your perspective on Wednesdays?  I usually look at it as the week being half over.  But thinking about it this morning, I got to wondering if maybe we rush the week through.  We seem to rush through everything in life.  Then we look back and wonder where all the time has gone.  Take your time (when you can) and get as much out of your day as you can for YOU.

I am trying to fight off some kind of infection.  My neck hurts and I have some swelling right under my jaw (lymph nodes).  I woke up with the worst kind of headache and my eyes burning.  I cannot get sick right now.  Just too much going on at work and my kids just started back to school.  I’d give anything to be able to crawl back into bed right now.

With that said, I’m skipping my chapter summary of O.F.F. for the day.  It is taking me longer than usual to get my daughter and myself ready for school and work.  I hope everyone has a great Hump Day! 

O.F.F. - Outsmarting Female Fat

Chapter 4 - Are you Ready for the OFF Plan?

• You must believe in it.
• You must share the OFF philosophies.
• You must have a full understanding of your female fat cells.
• You must replace your diet mentality with a lifestyle mentality.
• You must think in terms of permanent, not temporary, weight loss.
• You must think in terms of slow, not fast, weight loss.
• You must have realistic goals that are attainable.

Answer these questions with a Yes or No.

1. I weigh myself daily.
2. My weight determines how I feel about myself.
3. When I discover I’ve gained a pound, I panic.
4. I want to lose weight quickly.
5. My weight prevents me from achieving other goals in my life.
6. I want to lose weight for my husband/significant other.
7. I want to lose weight for an upcoming event.
8. I want to achieve the “ideal” body.
9. I avoid mirrors and window reflections.
10. I’m depressed when I look through fashion magazines.
11. I avoid social events because of my weight.
12. I dislike my body.

The greater number of statements you answered “Yes,” the more you need to deprogram the “diet mentality” and society’s influence - the more you need to focus on psycholigically preparing yourself for successful lifestyle change.  Society’s pressure for thinness and the ideal body has given most women a negative body image and the diet mentality.

You must be ready to disregard the scale. - weight can fluctuate as much as five pounds a day because of normal fluctuations in your body’s water balance.  If you are premenstual or recently had a high-salt meal, increased weight may be water weight.  Your weight on the scale gives you no indication of your fat mass and muscle mass.  Muscle weighs more than fat.  If you are exercising and gain two pounds of muscle and lose two pounds of fat - the scale won’t budge, but your body has.  Notice how your clothes fit and how you look in the mirror.

You must be ready to lose weight slowly. - If you want to lose weight quickly, this plan is not for you.  A traditional weight-loss diet may promise rapid weight loss, but it will also ensure rapid weight gain.  You may have eard that “losing one to two pounds a week is a safe weight loss.” “Safe” means that you will probably not harm your health. “Safe” does not mean permanent - slow means permanent.

You must determine if weight is serving a special purpose in your life. - For some women, their weight is a useful tool to prevent them from achieving goals.  For some women weight made them feel powerful, strong, and was a means of self-defense.  For others, it was a barrier to prevent relationships and intimacy.  If your weight is serving a special purpose in your life, you’ll carry your weight until you don’t need it anymore.

You must want to lose weight for yourself. - not your husband, partner, mother, doctor, or girlfriends.  When you lose weight for someone else, it is almost never permanent.  Often, the goal to lose weight is in combination with an upcoming special event - a wedding, a class reunion, a vacation.  You are not losing weight for you; you are losing weight for the event.  When the event is over, your commitment is over, and your weight gain begins.  Lose weight for you and become internally motivated, not externally motivated by others or an event.

You must find your own “ideal body,” one that is realistic and attainable. - If you live in a Western society, it is almost impossible not to be influenced by society’s ideal figure.  The messages are loud and clear: This is beautiful, and if you are not thin, then you are inferior, unsucessful, and an outcast.  Your personal “ideal body” is not determined by the media, the woman next door, or the weight charts.  You have your won optimal weight that is influenced by genetics, body structure, pregnancy, and age. 

You must feel good about yourself and your body now. - You must be prepared to accept your body and learn to like it.  If you dislike your body because it is not “perfect,” self-starvation is not the answer.  A negative body image usually does not improve with weight loss.  Many women find that achieving their “ideal” body does not make them happy; they still dislike their thighs, their jobs, and their lives.

 - Outsmarting Female Fat

The below is just a very brief synapsis of what I’ve read so far.

Chapter 1 - You Can’t Compare Apples and Pears

This chapter goes into depth about why men and women’s fat cells are different.  The female fat cell is large, powerful, and stubborn.  We are genetically designed this way because when we carry a child in our womb, our fat acts as a natural cushion to protect our unborn.  Pear shaped women will gain weight first and take it off last in their hips and thighs.  They are most likely to take the weight off more slowly.  Apple shapped women respond more quickly to exercise and positive eating habits.  Dieting is actually fat cell’s best friend, because it makes our fat cells more resistant to losing weight healthily and naturally.  Men have the fat-buring machinery to lose weight and keep it off.  When women go on a traditional diet, they may lose weight, but then they gain it back plus some.  So according to nature, men have what it takes to lose weight and women have what it takes to gain weight.  That is the real Eve’s curse.

Chapter 2 - You Can’t Starve a Fat Cell

A fat cell awakens with a smile.  “This may be my lucky day. It’s Monday, she didn’t eat breakfast, drank two diet sodas this morning, and ate a salad with lemon juice for lunch, and now she’s fantasizing about chocolate eclairs.  She must have started a new diet - spread the word to all 30 billion fat cells.  Put up the barricades, recruit extra forces…we must united and thrive.”  If you want to store more fat…If you wanter larger fat cells…If you want more fat cells…If you want less muscle mass…If you want a slower metabolism…If you want to gain weight…GO ON A DIET.  Diets are a quick fix that will just come back and bite you…in the thighs, hips, stomach and everywhere else fat cells reside. 

Chapter 3 - The OFF Plan: 6 Strategies to Outsmart Female Fat

Things you shouldn’t do on the OFF Plan: Dieting, Overeating, Skipping Meals, Nocturnal Eating, High Fat Intake, and Inactivity.  You must eat to lose.  You must recognize when you have had enough to eat.  You cannot skip meals.  You must have your biggest meal earlier in the day and cut out night time snacking.  You must reduce your fat intake.  You must become more active.  The book goes into more detail on each section.

I looked for the other book at the library, but they had no record of it in the system.  I guess I’ll have to get that one at Amazon.  I did find an interesting book called Outsmarting the Female Fat Cell.  I’ve only read the first chapter and already I like it.

In the first weight control program designed specifically for a woman’s body, the national best seller, Outsmarting the Female Fat Cell shares the untold truth that a woman’s fat cell is smart, stubborn, loves to store fat, hates to give it up, and eagerly awaits the next diet. It demystifies the female fat cell by providing a full and uncomplicated understanding of the effects of estrogen throughout a woman’s life. With the six realistic eating and exercise strategies of the OFF Plan that have nothing to do with dieting and everything to do with eating, women will transform their fat-storing bodies into fat — burning bodies, will learn to eat without guilt, and will discover their own healthy and comfortable weight. Forget dieting, forget calories, and begin a new, natural and sensible way of eating that works with the realities of a woman’s body, not against it. Recommended by physicians, dietitians, nurses, therapists and other health professionals across the country, Outsmarting the Female Fat Cell has received national recognition as the most sensible and realistic solution to losing excess fat.

I plan to post about this book as I read it.  If anyone has read it, let me know what you think. 

I was thinking about something I wrote to someone on here.  The more I thought about it the more it rang so true.  We are all trying to loose weight, but for what reasons.  Some of the profiles and blogs I read have said they wanted to loose weight for their boyfriend or husband.  I’m sorry if I offend anyone, but I believe the only person you should loose weight for is YOURSELF.  If someone is going to be petty enough to judge me by my weight then I don’t believe they are worthy enough to be in my life. 

My body is just a shell.  It doesn’t define who I am.  I want to loose weight because I know if I keep heading down this path, I’m going to become very very sick and shorten my life.  I want to be around for a LONG time and I want to live life doing things I only dream about doing. 

So I urge  you…no, I beg you.  Think about why you want to loose weight.  Make YOU your number one reason.  Make it about being a happier, stronger, healthier you.  Because sure a shell can be beautiful, but it pales in comparison to what is on the inside.

BEE HAPPY, BEE STRONG, BEE HEALTHY, BEE YOU!